Hooray for the Losers

I don't know about everyone else, but to me, months start and end on the 8th. Based on this, I haven't exactly had the best month. I mean, I was okay with graduation and everything. In fact, I was looking forward to all the celebrations and such. But aside from these, the last month has been pretty rough, privately. Furthermore, things don't look too good in the near future. I mean, I know things will pass. I just know they won't be passing anytime soon. Add the HSC to the mix, and you've got an equation I don't really feel like dealing with right now.

And now, for the first time, I'm able to admit this to myself, and to anyone else bothering to read this. I've been denying (to myself) that I have, in fact, been pretty down for a while. I guess it's because I try to avoid feeling sorry for myself, because a lot of people have it way worse than I do. Plus, there have been a lot of happy occasions to distract me from myself (i.e. IanMan's AWESOME 18th, which was a welcome break from self-pity, even though there were still certain things that got me down, and I knew I'd be down again the day after). It just sucks when people forget you exist. Or when you feel like you don't matter anymore.

And so, here are a bunch of quotes that pretty much sum up my month.

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Here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world...

-- Story of the Year - Anthem of Our Dying Day

But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
And here I rest: where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night...

-- Death Cab for Cutie - Title and Registration

And it stings when it's nobody's fault
'Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name...

-- John Mayer - Split Screen Sadness

Where are we?
What the hell is going on...

...sinking, feeling, spin me 'round again...

...you don't care a bit...

-- Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

When you try your best and you don't succeed...

...stuck in reverse...

...when you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

-- Coldplay - Fix You

Take away the sensation inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind...

-- Green Day - Give Me Novacaine

Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be, may a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me...

-- Yellowcard - Rough Draft

I thought it less like a lake, and more like a moat...

...the distance is quite too far for me to row:
it seems farther than ever before (oh no)
I need you so much closer...

-- Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said...

-- Staind - Epiphany

I try to hold it all inside...

...the things I've become
That something is missing...

...and now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud...

-- The Used - On My Own

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me...

...there's nothing to lose but my mind and all the things I wanted...

-- Breaking Benjamin - Forget It

It's so hard to believe
When someone told me that your suffering
Is what you get for living
I wanted life to be this way
Just a little bit of love could mean so much
Oh please, don't take it all away
But with you, heaven is still close enough to touch...

-- The Eraserheads - Hard to Believe

Just ask the question
Come untie the knot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
You try to avoid it
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about...

-- Taking Back Sunday - New American Classic

I've had a hard time, very hard time
Seeing less of you
I never thought you knew...

...and you're blind to the fact that my heart stopped beating...

-- A New Found Glory - Sincerely Me

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I guess even clowns can have their bad times, too. Anywho, I think that's enough drama from me. I guess I just express myself better when there's drama involved. I'm not angry at anyone, nor am I angry at myself, nor do I blame anyone. Well, at least not anymore. I don't want to let certain things go either. For now, I guess I'm just a bit down. Anyways, later days.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.