The One with the Admissions

The kid messed up.

The kid still hasn't made his mind up.

The kid needs to man up.

The kid needs to grow up.

Hey, kid. It's time to get ghost. Your fifteen minutes are up.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About the Nightmares

"I'm waking up in the middle of the night
My heartbeat's pumping, like something ain't right
What's going on?
When I go outside, I feel something behind me
I'm looking back, but nothing's behind me
What's going on?
Man, I don't know, what am I tripping on?
There's something in the room, it's lurking in the shadows
Staring through the darkness...man, I don't know
These four walls are closing in, these voices ain't my friends
They're haunting me, those, those memories..."

"Look over your shoulder, something is near
And I'm so scared, when I'm alone, I'm so scared
Now, it's inching closer, trouble is near
But nothing's there, when I look, nothing's there
I'm out of my mind, I'm running from guilt
But, it's right by my side, there's nowhere to hide..."

----------------------------------------------------------

...Or, maybe I'm just p-noid.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About the Playlist

Made myself a Beatles playlist today. I was listening to it in the car, and I think I can relate to every song. Well, almost every song. I'll try to, anyways!

1. Come Together - Because gotdangit, I'm egotistic enough to ask people to come together over me. That's how I roll.
2. Something - Whole song. It's exactly how I feel. Too long to list lyrics here!
3. Eight Days a Week - "Eight days a week is not enough to show I care."
4. Can't Buy Me Love - Money can't. Sentiment can.
5. I Should Have Known Better - Well, I should've! I didn't see it coming. ROFL!
6. If I Fell - Uncertainty and trepidation.
7. Yesterday - How certain things, like my mood and outlook on life, can just switch back and forth on a dime.
8. In My Life - My Mum, who I love very dearly.
9. Hey Jude - "Take a sad song and make it better" = optimism, positive reappraisal (ahh, Psych reference in my blog!). "And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders." = sometimes, my thoughts weigh too heavy on my mind, and I need to just chill out and stop killing myself over them.
10. Across the Universe - "Jai guru deva ohm. Nothing's gonna change my world."
11. Let it Be - How sometimes I just need to leave things alone and let everything fall into place. A solution always comes along, no matter how long it takes. Things always work out for the best. No matter what.
12. Don't Let Me Down - People-pleaser. Takes letting people down very badly.
13. Eleanor Rigby - "Writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear" = how sometimes, I have thoughts that I never get to express, or just plain forget about.
14. Here, There and Everywhere - I have a thing for proximity. Not to the level that the lyrics reach in this song, but I'm a big fan. Let's leave it at that.
15. Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) - "We talked until 2, and then she said, 'It's time for bed.' "
16. Nowhere Man - Could've titled this song Nowhere Mart.
17. We Can Work it Out - Positivity! There's always a chance, somewhere. I'll take a small chance any day of the week.
18. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - "With every mistake, we must surely be learning" = correct, 1000 points!
19. Blackbird - "You were only waiting for this moment to arise" = waiting for opportunities.
20. I Will - Doing whatever it takes to succeed is crucial in any endeavour. Hmm, that could so go on one of those motivational posters!
21. Till There Was You - How sometimes, things happen in your life, and you realise life after then seems so different. You don't want to go back to how it was beforehand.
22. And I Love Her - ...I'll fill this one in later.
23. Yellow Submarine - ...ditto!
24. Girl - "A man must break his back to earn his day of leisure" = ...okay, total opposite of my life philosophy. Unless by "break his back" it really means "be completely lazy and procrastinate."
25. I Want You (She's So Heavy) - "I want you so bad, it's driving me mad."

Over and out!

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About the Kid

The kid writes about himself in third-person.

The kid is demoralized. Basketball doesn't seem so likeable when your favourite team loses in the Finals.

The kid still skips meals and sleeps early in the morning. He had his appetite back for like, one day? Then it went down the drain.

The kid has exams. The kid has barely studied for these...'exams.'

The kid is lazy. Even when the pressure's there.

The kid makes love to pressure.

The kid sometimes makes stupid mistakes.

The kid often lets his brain get the better of his heart. Not the other way around.

The kid has trust issues. But he's working on them. They've just piled up over time, and he slips into that mode every once in a while.

The kid sometimes sits idly by while the rest of the world zooms past him. It's not all bad. It's not all good.

The kid is in need of human interaction. Staying home by himself for days on end has left him feeling a little bit lonely. Isolation does not do wonders for the human psyche.

The kid has a lot to be thankful for.

The kid still notices the smallest things, and takes them to heart. It's a bad habit, he knows. Making mountains out of molehills is an undesirable activity.

The kid is...still a kid. He's got a lot of growing up to do. In a lot of different ways. No matter which way he looks at it.

The kid is looking forward to growing up.

The kid is out.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About Stepping Back in Time

Quick blog before I try and get some shuteye.

(Shit, it's 5AM. Safe to say, poker's a FAIRLY addictive game. Hmm. Interesting.)

Firstly, was looking at my Facebook profile pic, and decided, on a whim, to try and bring 2001 back. For no good reason other than it randomly popped into my head before I took a shower. Awesome. Ch-ch-checklist time!

• [x] Polo jumper I've been wearing since 2000
• [x] Buddha beads (CH-CH-CHEEEEAAAAH! I totally forgot these were banned back in high school. Wonder why?)
• [x] G-Shock watch (then again, I wear it every other day)
• [x] White K-Swiss shoes (first pair of shoes that made me decide to actually collect my shoes, rather than just always wearing 'em the fuck out and giving them away; six-and-a-half years after buying 'em, they still fit me perfectly)
• [x] Fugly-ass long parted hair (oh, this was just naaaaasty)
• [x] Old-school R&B in the car (e.g. Craig David, Usher, Da Brat, etc.)

Maybe I'll look for a good pair of Nike Cortez, baggy jeans and an ugly AZN-ass polo shirt, preferrably featuring either Chinese/Japanese writing, dragons and/or tigers.

In other news, most definitely did plenty of studying for Economics! Fuck it, I'll study for it tomorrow. You know, during the times when I'm not playing Metal Gear. Should really start studying harder for the exams, though. But, the way I see it, all's not lost yet. I'm comparing my finals to a more important Finals: my Lakers are in an unattractive situation (down 2-1), but we still have a decent shot at pulling this off.

The pressure's on, but guess who ain't gon' crack? Haha, pardon me, I had to laugh at that! (Shit, that's like, a billion straight blogs with lyrical references, now?)

Anyways, over and out!

- marty..

P.S. "Don't you come into my house talking loud! You gon' fuck around and run up my life bill! My life bill gon' be SKY HIGH because of you!" - D.L. Hughley. Ahh, good old black comedy.

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About the Rollercoaster Ride

The Eraserheads - With a Smile

lift your head, baby, don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
you'll get by with a smile
you can't win at everything, but you can try

baby, you don't have to worry
'cause there ain't no need to hurry
no one ever said that there's an easy way
when they're closing all their doors
and they don't want you anymore
this sounds funny, but i'll say it anyway

girl i'll stay, through the bad times
even if i have to fetch you everyday
i'll get by, if you smile
you can never be too happy in this life

in a world where everybody
hates a happy-ending story
it's a wonder love can make the world go 'round
but don't let it bring you down
or turn your face into a frown
you'll get along with a little prayer and a song

in a world where everybody
hates a happy-ending story
it's a wonder love can make the world go 'round
but don't let it bring you down
or turn your face into a frown
you'll get along with a little prayer and a song

lift your head, baby, don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
you'll get by with a smile
now, it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

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So, I've been up-and-down today. It happens. I have my days. I'm currently on the upswing, almost feeling like I can get out of bed and actually force myself to eat. This song's helping a fair bit.

Flashback, circa May 29, 2005:

"I cling to the hope that all this...stuff is just another one of my usual phases. I go through these every once in a while. My mind is a neverending alternate of light and dark; it never stays put in one place. I might go for a while as completely happy, and living a good life with no hang-ups at all. Then, for a while, my brain will just crumble and start rattling ideas away at me, and I start overanalysing, and then, internally at least, I kinda breakdown."

Anyways, over and out!

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

The One About Rain, and How it Can Mess Up Your Plans

It's true what they say: when it rains, it pours.

Original plan for Sunday:

• Basketball with the guys. Basketball is great. It helps me relax and clear my mind. Kinda like stress relief.
• Churchies in the afternoon.
• DJ's house for poker, chilling, probable overnight stay due to intoxication. Perfect night to do this since his parents are only out until tomorrow night.

After precipitation-induced breakdowns in organisation:

• There goes basketball, drowning in a sea of rain-covered asphalt and no one being able to play.
• Churchies is still on.
• Poker? Yeah, sure, maybe next time. DJ has people coming over, and his parents are coming back home soon.
• Trying movies as a backup plan: pending responses from others.

Ahh, I'll find something else to occupy my time, I guess. I just really want someone to hang out with right now, damnit! Something to do before I have to bury myself in Psychology notes, iLectures, practice papers and of course, copious amounts of procrastination.

Okay, so I don't mean to bitch. I've got it good, and I know other people have it worse. Having people to hang out with would just be very much appreciated, at this point in time, is all. Anyways, over and out.

- marty..

P.S. Why do we not have beer in this household?

END COMMUNICATION.

The One with What We Aim to Do

"I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'ma sayin' is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons..."

-- Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

I've been lyrics-centric over the last couple of weeks. After listening to I'm Yours a couple of times today, I was struck by these words. They kinda relate to my penchant for overanalysis.

How sometimes, I stumble upon something great, beautiful, amazing...and fail to realise what's right in front of me.

How it can be as plain as the nose on my face, but I can never get my head around it.

How usually, when I do manage to see it, I worry too much about how I could so easily lose it.

How my OCD can cripple my mental resolve and hamper my ability to function properly.

More importantly, they represent what I need to do to get back on track:

CHILLAX. STOP THINKING. GET OVER IT.

Fuck the red lights. Foot on the gas, and speed right past.

"If there's something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up roadblocks, just know you can drive right through 'em."

-- Michael J. Fox as Dr. Kevin Casey

Anyways, over and out!

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.