The One That Just Keeps Going and Going and...

I've been confused for a while. Frazzled. In need of explanations, solutions. Quick-fixes.

Especially with what's going on in my own head. When things come up and I can't rationalise or explain them to myself, then I begin to trip, freak, bug out. Go crazy. Go haywire.

It's a bad cycle. I think too much about situations, but the only way I can get myself out of them is to keep THINKING in the hopes of finding a solution. I feel that if I don't try and think of an explanation, I'm running away from the problem, instead of manning up and just dealing with it.

People say I shouldn't think so much. I wish I was one of those people who could just relax, let a situation go, and just ride the flow of whatever was happening. Wish I didn't let my thoughts get in the way of my life half the fucking time.

I wish my life was just set out in front of me. Fuck surprises. Give me stability or give me death. I'm not saying it has to be boring...it just has to be stable. No flip-flopping back and forth.

Nothing scares motherfuckers off faster than confusion. Uncertainty. The future is a question mark. Fuck that. Give me an exclamation point.

This has been a stream of consciousness blog brought to you by the inner workings of Martin Lorenzo Cabral Maelstrom Kidcatastrophe Pagdanganan's psyche. Hope you've enjoyed your stay. Please leave a message after the tone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

This isn't over.

- marty..

P.S. I wasn't even drunk when I wrote this. Cot damn, imagine if I was.

END COMMUNICATION.