The One About My Potential Career Choices

I'm not feeling completely swaggerific today, so I'm gonna try and cheer myself up with a completely nonsensical entry.

Like, say, imagining myself as different kinds of superheroes. This'll be fun.

NOTE: Inspired by boredom, and Chandler Bing ("If I were a superhero that could fly, AND be invisible, that would be the best."), in equal parts.


Obsessive-Compulsive Man

• Description:
  Replete with trusty cleaning belt (comprised of antiseptic hand wash, rubbing alcohol, foldable mop/broom combo and disposable wipes), mess has just met its match! Unstoppable in his ability to re-arrange everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) into right angles, height order, date and/or frequency of use. Got a problem with organisation? Take it up with his Perfect Alignment Ruler.
• Strengths:
  Amazing sense of his surroundings; able to spot the smallest imperfections.
• Weaknesses:
  Anal-retentive myopia: once he sees a mess, he can't help but clean it. It's a disease, is what it is.

Captain Slacker

• Description:
  The robot programmed to make its own life as easy as possible. It excels at avoiding any and all forms of industry. It has a penchant for being in the right place at the right time, and is prone to good fortune. Some people may say lazy; Captain Slacker says "working smart, not hard." Downfall? What downfall?
• Strengths:
  Unflappable confidence, no matter the odds. Always manages to land on its feet, even in times of duress.
• Weaknesses:
  Unflappable confidence, no matter the odds. Also, allergic to hard work.

KidAwesome

• Description:
  Picture the world's most awesome person. The multiply his swagger by a hundred thousand trillion (100000000000000000). Bingo.
  
• Strengths:
  Commands an army/fanbase of 100 billion people. So that would be everyone on Earth, plus all the extraterrestrials them scientists is always talkin' about. Also, possesses a mastery of Ebonics. Knahmsayin'? Word.
• Weaknesses:
  None. Wait...nope, none.

On second thought, screw this. Who wants to be the hero? It's so much easier (not to mention a helluva lot more fun) being the villain. You don't have to worry about being a decent person or trying to get on everyone's good side. Plus, you get to piss everyone off. I would much rather be the evil, conniving, obnoxious, malevolent, despicable, cocky, nigh-invincible brat prince.

If that means I drive everyone away, then so be it. After all, in the immortal words of Dr. Perry Cox, "The only way to be respected...as a man is to be an island. You are born alone, and you damn sure die alone."

Over and out.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.