The One About How I Roll

After going through some photos and a moment spent on my Throne of Epiphany (hint: it's white, and I tend to have tender moments with it after a bad drinking night), I decided it would be worthwhile to draw up a list of tenets that I stick to in my life. In other words, haste + doublecast Brainstormga (Final Fantasy references for several wins).

• I may or may not be in love with this girl. By my logic, I am never going to speak to her. No matter how BADLY I want to chat to her whenever she pops up on MSN, or text her whenever something remotely interesting pops up in my life, or ask her to hang out whenever I have some spare time.
• I'm very paranoid. A lot of the time, it's irrational paranoia. Like, for instance, going to great lengths to make myself the third wheel, even though I don't even like the girl.
• Being anti-social actually works for me. I like to think I've picked up a thing or two from the new friends I've made over the last couple of months. Self-isolation seems to be one of them.
• I'm not always angry or bitter towards people, but pretending to be in that mood makes it easier to cope with a lot of things. It jades my perspective, and helps in justifying my actions/behaviour.
• In times of strife, you have two options: stay in place and wait for it to go away, or take yourself out of the game and disappear from sight. Both methods work for me.
• Isolation isn't as bad as I used to think it was. It's good in measured doses. I'm not saying I'd want to live my life as a hermit, but sometimes, being by yourself can actually heal your psyche.
• I have a lot of pride. I'm extremely stubborn. So, if I like someone, and I know they don't like me back, I probably wouldn't tell them. Rejection's too big of a shot to my giant ego. I'd rather just disappear and never mention it again.
• In the words of Aaron Lewis, "Sometimes I say things just to disagree." Much in the same vein, sometimes I like to be different just for the sake of being different. With that said, it still gets overridden if I don't like what I'm going with. It's a delicate balance, is what it is is what it is.
• I like the all-or-nothing perspective. The way I see it, with some girls, they're either in my life as my girlfriend, or they can't be in my life at all. It's nothing personal, and it's not as if they're bad friends. It's just hard to be friends with someone if you know you can't help but like them. It's all very Seth & Summer at the start of season two, come to think of it.

This list is nowhere near dunzo. If more come to mind, I'll write up a sequel. This is enough for now, though. Peace and much love.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.