The One About Purity

On the way home, driving back from a friend's birthday, I felt the urge to brain-release about what was swirling around in my head. It's part justification, part perspective, part justification for my perspective. And yada.

Unrequited love is not as bad as some people make it out to be. People assume it's all about the suckitude that comes with your feelings not being returned. But, there's a positive spin to it. I mean, there's a certain twisted joy that comes out of having a tremendous amount of love for someone, to the point that it doesn't even matter if they love you back. Without their reciprocity, it's....pure. It doesn't get complicated by what the other person feels or thinks about you. It's just you and your love for someone else. And that be it. Cha-ching.

But, there's a catch (isn't there always?). It only works properly if you never have to interact with that person. If they're not around to remind you that it's unrequited and cloud your judgement, you're free to do/think/feel as you wish. The second they're around, though, that's when things start to get...messy. And mess is something we hate to have. Amen? Amen.

So, if you're like me, you take yourself out. Restart game. Disconnect controller from controller port 1. You disappear, out of nowhere. The less contact you have with them, the better you feel. Not because you don't want them around. You do, COT DAMNIT, you do. And you KNOW you do. You just...can't.

It's just not healthy. For anyone. Your friends are sick of hearing you whine about it, they've seen this same scenario play out over and over again. They know how it ends. Shit, son, YOU know how it ends. So, why do you keep playing?

For purity's sake. I'm here for me. Even if she's not around. Even if I'm never around her.

So you act tough. You convince yourself that you don't want her around. You remind yourself how bad she was for you, even though she never meant to be. You get angry. In your mind, you're just getting even. At someone who didn't do all that much wrong in the first place.

One of these days, one of you will see how this is supposed to end. It's completely different for the two of you, but it'll eventually click. One way or another. Until then, it's limbo for you.

Sit tight. It's gonna be a long summer.

- marty..

P.S. Some of this is right. Some of this is wrong. A lot of it doesn't really fall neatly in either pile.

END COMMUNICATION.