The One with the Wisdom

My favourite Dr. Cox quotes, according to me. Well, this excludes my favourite long rant about relationships and such.

8. "Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce? You see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing? Well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now."

7. "For your information, I attended that poor vegetable’s funeral every single time I set foot in his room over the last six weeks. Thank God the family finally moved him over to Surgery, where you guys were good enough to help him kick that nasty oxygen habit he had once and for all."

6. "Could I, uh, could I have everybody’s attention, please. Jordan’s pregnant. [Talking in high-pitched voice] No. But Dr. Cox, here I thought you and Jordan were done trying to have any more babies. [Regular voice] We were, but my vasectomy didn’t take which, apparently, is not that uncommon. [High-pitched voice] Holy crap, Dr. Cox. That must have really pissed you off. [Regular voice] Yes, it did. What is, what is your name? [High-pitched voice] Oh, I’m any generic hospital worker who happens to ask you a question about your pregnancy and l or any baby-related issues. [Regular voice] Isn’t that nice? This morality play was made possible by a grant from the “Just See If I Was Kidding Foundation.” "

5. "Oh come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman. [smacks hands together] Sha-daisy!"

4. "Yeah, your mommy cah-rushed me. She did. Uhh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious, F.Y.I., J.D.'s mommy has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want her daughter picked on anymore. Nothing mean, she's a precious flower and we should all be super nice to her."

3. "No, you look! If someone had asked me just this morning, Is there any way that I could have less respect for you two geniuses? I would have said, “No! No, that’s not possible!” But, lo and behold, you went and pulled it off. Congratulations. The only problem is I’m -I’m fresh out of blue ribbons, so instead, you’re gonna have to settle for a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass! Now go home. You’re not fit to work tonight."

2. "And bam! The shine’s off the apple. And that’s when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn’t a pretty little girl at all. No, she’s a man-eater. And I’m not talking about the “whoa-whoa, here she comes” kind of man-eater. I’m talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. Of course, I may have tormented her from time to time; but, honest to God, that’s what I thought marriage was all about. So much so that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don’t know who I hated more — her or me? I used to sit around and wonder…why our friends weren’t trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here, it turns out, the answer’s pretty simple: They weren’t unhappy. We were."

1. "Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry’s Perspective. One: If someone’s standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called “Bring back the porn!” Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor — nay, respected as a man — is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone. The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help."

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.