The quote above really resonates with me. It speaks to my obsessive side, which seeks control over every situation, wishing everything would go according to the plans I always set out in my head. When things go awry, even if only in part, then everything's thrown out of wack.
You know, plans are pretty useless. No matter how much you envision something, no matter how perfect the image is in your head, no matter how flawless you think the situation is... there's always something lurking in the shadows, ready to rain on your parade, ready to mess with whatever you had set up. Ouch.
This, however, is a hopeful entry. It's not bitter or sad, nowhere near emo. Because, as I've learned through being a disciple of Perry (as in Dr. Cox), it's not about the shit that you go through, the stuff that messes with your perfect plans. That's not the important part.
What matters most, the crux of it all, is how you can adapt to a situation, when something's rained on your flawless vision; if you can weather the storm and deal with the imperfect version of your plans, then you've got a good chance of making it in the end.
Embrace positivity.
With all that said, I still can't help but ponder how I wish things would've turned out. The ideal result is still fresh in my psyche. The pretty picnic, back when the weather forecast called for sunshine.
"I can try to act real strong, but you and I both know I still think of you that way. I could tell you I feel it's time for us to go our separate ways, but I just wouldn't be the same, 'cause your love is still on my brain." - Justin Timberlake
- marty..
END COMMUNICATION.
- I still sometimes wish I'd walk out to my driveway to see your car parked there.
- When it's raining, I can't help but think back to the sweetest thing that anyone's ever done for me.
- Epic essay-length posts that would've had us cursing Facebook's 1,000 character limit.
- Our holidays would've been legendary. Like, even more so.
- Homie, lover, friend. That's a pretty good deal.
- More time spent just hanging out in my room. Doing nothing for hours on end. Not being aware of the passage of time. Wondering how the hell we managed to spend that much time together without realising it.
- Long drives. Late-night adventures. Those two put together.
- There's a sizeable section of my iTunes that I haven't even come close to touching. It's the part that has songs that somehow remind me of you. Maybe in a few months time.
- Skittles Littles.
Suffice to say, life had other plans. Look, I know it's unreasonable and selfish for me to think like this, but I wish things had worked out differently between us. I know I should just accept things as they are. I mean, it seems like you've been able to put everything behind you, and I think I can safely assume that you're over me. At least in that way. Honestly, I'm not even close myself. I still think about you. I still miss you. I still like you. I don't think I'm ready to face the thought of you moving on, but I'm also resigned to the fact that I no longer have any say in this. If you've moved on, I can't help that. That's up to you. As cut as I get whenever you get close to someone (even if they're my own friends), it doesn't really matter, in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I'll be where you are, soon enough. But until I get there, I guess I'll just have to find a way to deal with how I feel about you. I'm glad you've at least decided to keep me around, though.
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