Plushgun - Let Me Kiss You Now (And I'll Fade Away)

I know that it's too soon
But it's the final days
'Cause playing all these games
Is just a time, to waste

As soon as I met you
It all began to fade
So let me kiss you now
And I'll fade away

You say you should be free
I know you said that once
Just tell me it'd be me
If you ever break that thought

'Cause I like you
Yeah, I like you
So I wrote this song
Now let me know then I will move along

Just find me a place
Where we can drift away
Instead of living life
Like it was yesterday

'Cause dreams like these
They always seem
To make me wait
So life can laugh at me for one more day

Maybe 'cause our moment
Just came and went
I'll still write these songs
Because I like to vent

And maybe come tomorrow
We'll forget I sent
All my thoughts of you
In binary

'Cause all my memories
Are just a single frame
If we could take a picture
Of just one more day

Let it be today
And maybe I'll say
Let me kiss you now
And I'll fade away

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Before/After

Before last night: "Hell yeah, let's get started on studying for this exam!"
After last night: "...Hell yeah, let's get started on studying for this exam!"

Before 6AM this morning: "Maybe I should just get some sleep so I can study later."
After 6AM this morning: "Ahh, fuck it. Sleep is for gays!"

Before basketball: "Man I'm amped to play ball! Best way to start the day."
After basketball: "FML."

Before breakfast: "I can do this. I'm GONNA do this. Exam study WILL be done!"
After breakfast: "I'm gonna fall asleep, aren't I?"

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

What my brain tells me to help me deal with exam pressure.

Replace the word "couch" with "exams" and it'll all make sense.



- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Going (going) back (back) to Cali (Cali).

Back in February, I drew up a list of the things I've been subjected to in the five years since I became a die-hard Lakers fan. As I watched the clock tick down to 0.00 in Game Five of the NBA Finals, with the Lakers up 99-86 against the Magic, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Why? Because I could finally add the following item to the list:

• CHAMPIONS OF THE BASKETBALL WORLD! (2009)

In the words of Ross Geller, "Oh my God, it's just like I dreamed it!"

I've gotta keep it 100% - I had a few tears in my eyes when the Lakers won the championship yesterday. But hey, if you love this team as much as I do, and you lived through the last five years of Lakerdom as I have, then you'd have felt something at that moment, too.

I didn't think I'd ever get to celebrate a Laker championship in my lifetime. I don't know if I'll ever get to experience this again. But right now, none of that matters. The only thing I care about is this year's edition of the Larry O'Brien trophy, being cradled by Laker players and staff, on its way back to the Staples Center to join the fourteen other championships in Laker history.

Bleed Forum Blue and Gold.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Killing time before I get some shuteye.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Yeah, sure.

Have you ever been told "It’s not you, it's me?"
Nope.

Last two people to text you:
Fonz and Reyes.

Last three things you had to drink:
Orange juice, Coke and hot chocolate!

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
Yeah, why not?

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?
Ooh, haven't done that for a couple of weeks. I've actually been pretty good recently.

Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Hmm, the last time I was in one of my bitter, angry phases. So, probably a couple of weeks ago? No one in particular, I just felt like beating the shit out of someone as a form of stress relief.

Why did you last cry and when?
I can't lie - I shed a couple of tears when the Lakers won the championship yesterday.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
Not anymore, but I used to back when I was younger.

Have you ever been awake for two days straight?
No, don't think so.

Who did you spend the last summer with?
The guys, the girls, the family. I.e. the usuals!

Do you have bangs?
Nopes. Almost, though. I need to cut my hair!

Are you Irish?
Nopes. I can do the accent though. Does that count?

Does anyone completely understand you?
Hahahaha. Hell no. Are you crazy? ...'Cause I'm pretty sure I am.

What is something you currently want right now?
Money, so I can afford the following things:

• New jerseys for KB
• True Blue Air Jordan IIIs
• New HD cable
• A pair of Pointers
• A new jacket
• Stuff from Halfsleeve. JUNE SALE, BABY! =D Might check it out tomorrow, if it's not raining.
  

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Probably? I can't keep up sometimes.

Have you chewed gum after someone else already has?
...Yes.

You just drank fifteen shots. What would you be doing?
ROFL! A few things:

• Talking VERY VERY loudly.
• Being an ornery bastard.
• Blogging on my phone. HAHAHA.
• Asking for more drinks.
• Shouting in Tagalog.
• Needing to be restrained.
• Having an emotional breakdown.
• Scowling. Always scowling.
• Generally acting like a menace to society.
• Passing out, after all of the above.
  

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
A good 40-45 minutes? If I'm lucky. HAHA.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
The Nadal shirt? From my sponsors at Nike, of course! HAHAHA.

Are you imagining anyone naked right now?
No need! I hung out with Karl and Julz yesterday. That should last me for the rest of the week.

Something you do a lot:
Watch Friends.

How many piercings do you have?
Zero.

Do you miss anyone?
Not especially. But I wouldn't mind hanging out with people right about now.

What woke you up this morning?
My phone. Fonz messaged me to give me a heads up on the new 'Rising Sun' AJXIIs.

What's your favorite type of flower?
Venus Flytrap, baby.

Are you mean?
I can be a d-bag a-hole, when I wanna be.

What should you be doing right now?
Getting those timestamps down for my database! That, and studying for History and Systems. But on the real, fuck History and Systems.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months or more?
Yeah, but it'd take a lot of work and a little bit of luck. HA!

Will you get married?
Maybe. Funny, this used to be a resounding "Yes."

Ever liked someone older than you?
Hell yeah. I think I'd work better with someone older than me. But I'm not all that picky when it comes to age.

Has someone smacked or looked at your ass in the past week?
Probably sometime at basketball? I can't remember.

Do you regret doing anything this week?
No. But then again, it's only Tuesday.

Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Hmm, maybe. I don't know anymore, ROFL.

What is something that you realized today?
Wow, inputting that proxy data didn't take that long.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Umm, naaaaawwww. I doubt it. But if anyone actually does, you know where to find me! HAHA.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Hmm, 2AM, I think? No particular reason. Just up late.

What do you currently hear right now?
I changed the song on my iTunes to avoid writing down an embarassing answer for this question. So, technically, Jem - Just a Ride.

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
Today. Pat & Ian on MSN, Angie on the phone, Jess in person, Michelle on the phone, Fonz in the kitchen.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Angie? Talked on the phone to discuss her exam.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yep! Back in Baguio, when I was five years old.

Have you ever cried so much you threw up?
Nopers.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
Getting my testing over and done with, the official end of Semester One, the snow trip in July, people's birthdays (Julz, Jess and Ria).

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Heeeelllll to the no. I was telling Michelle about this when we were on the phone. A year ago, I was a jittery, emotional mess (my blog posts from May/June/July 2008 can attest to this!), thanks to exam stress, family issues and relationship problems. But this year? This time of the year is like the Bizarro version of this time last year. Not that I'm complaining, though.

Are you wearing jeans right now?
Nopes. Way too uncomfortable for this time of night!

Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
Not really. I mean, we lose track of people for a reason, right?

What's something you do when you're mad?
Listen to angry music. And drink, and drink, and drink.

Are you a patient person?
Hmm, not especially. But I can be. It just depends on what I'm waiting for.

Would you rather be mad or sad?
Mad. It tends to be more of a transient emotional state. Sadness tends to linger. But then again, I'm the type to hold a grudge, and madness often leads to sadness.

Do you ever use words like stoked, souped or sick?
Sick, every once in a while. Funnily enough, I mostly just use it when referring to shoes nowadays.

Closest green object to you:
The logo on my Dettol hand sanitizer.

What is your current mood?
Happy. =D

What do you wear to bed?
Home clothes? Jumper and tracksuit. It's cold as a mutha!

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
I wouldn't have a clue. Maybe, maybe not?

What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to Uni to get some more work done on the database. Oh, and helping Michael with his Maths exam. As best I can, anyways; I haven't done some of this stuff in almost five years! HAHA.

What do you hate most?
Failure. It eats me alive.

What's your favorite color?
Blue, yellow, Forum Blue and Gold.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Eight more months.

Final Fantasy XIII trailer from E3 2009.

Initiate jizzing in pants in three, two, one...






- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Breather, for now.

Sitting on the train this morning, I realised I had two options. I could get some last-minute study done for my Neuroscience exam, but then I figured this would lead to me stressing out over just how much content there was to learn, so I went with option 2: de-stressing by watching Katt Williams.

Some choice words that cheered me up by taking my mind off my impending doom:

"You done got with a n***a, now you talkin' 'bout, "You fucked up my self-esteem!" Bitch, it's called SELF-esteem! It's esteem of your motherfucking self, bitch! How the fuck could I fuck up how you feel about YOU?"

"It ain't no motherfuckin' drug. I done done the research, it's just a plant, it just grow like that. And if you should so happen to set it on fire...there are some effects!"

"This is a love seat, n***a! I can't even sit on this if I ain't in love! What kinda shit is that?"

"It is cool to get high. It is not cool to get high and eat up all your baby's cereal."

"Fellas, if you've got twenty haters, you need forty of them motherfuckers."

"We are tired of going to the laundromat, to see you in there. Your baby girl is all of seven years old. This bitch has on a wedding dress, and soccer shoes. Where the fuck is she going?! IS SHE MARRYING BLEACH?!"

"All I'm sayin', Spanish people, is if you are pushing a stroller through the mall and your child's feet can touch the ground out the stroller, let little ese walk then! This motherfucker's thirteen G*****n years old, with a cigarette and a Sidekick! 'Push it faster, ese!' "

In other news! Possible reasons why I woke up with the world's worst headache earlier tonight, before I went to the movies:

• Eating expired food from my pantry. Seriously, I need to start checking the Best Before dates on all my junk food. Like that Toblerone batch that I've been munching on over the last couple of weeks? 14/5/09. Umm, ouch.
• Starving myself for most of the day, and then making up for it with a massive dinner, and then going straight to bed for a nap.
• Eating way too much junk food, including what was left of the giant bag of Doritos.
• Lack of sleep thanks to studying finally catching up to me (sleeping at 5AM, WHAT UP!).
• Trying to sleep with the heater turned way up. Loves the suffocating atmosphere!
  

Seriously, that headache sucked. I felt all woozy, like I was overheating or something. My mum told me to sit on the stool to get my head right, and I almost tumbled over on the other side. Lucky I managed to call Pat and ask for a lift; if I kept up the stubborn act and insisted on driving, I don't think it would've been a pretty sight.

Anywho! So long and goodnight, Neuroscience. I know that, at the start of the semester, I said I was geeked to take this elective because it seemed so interesting. Yeah well, 'interesting' ended up being just another word for 'incredibly complicated and dense subject I now regret choosing.' That exam sucked, but I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for a Pass. Flat 50, I don't care. I'm just glad it's over and done with.

Two weeks until History and Systems exam. To-do list in the meantime:

• Enter proxy data into participant database. Fifty-five questions x fifty-plus participants. I'm gonna need a Red Bull or five.
• Get in touch with Leigh so we can set up appointments with our older participants. Halfway through testing, baby! Sixty more to go. And then it's hardcore thesis-mode time.
• Get back to Julie about how testing's going, and ask her for help with the database.
• Revision for History and Systems. Most retarded Psychology course ever. The lecturer himself even attested to the same thing!
• Get gear ready for the (now-annual?) July Snow Trip! Ch-ch-cheeeeaaahhh! More snowboarding injuries and embarassing video clips, WHAT UP!
• Fix PS3 HD output, buy new HD cable.
• Book tickets for end-of-year NYC escape almighty/reunion-with-very-much-missed-cousin-Michelle Renee See! Fingers, toes and all other crossable body parts crossed for this.

Sleeping pattern is once again wrecked thanks to exam cramming. Damnit!

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Throbbing toothache of the mind.

Trying to wrap my head around all of this...


...leaves me feeling like this.


Braaaaiiiinnnsss!

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

Distracted. Again.

But does it count if the distraction's taken up a lot more time than the thing you're supposed to be doing? It's like studying's a sidetrack to procrastination. If only, though.

Anyways! I finally finished reading Let the Right One in. It's gruesome, it's gory, it's creepy, it's infinitely interesting, it's exciting, it's brilliant, it's endlessly fascinating, it's frightening. Sorry, I seem to have run out of superlatives. Point is, it's an awesome book. Reminds me of why I love vampires so much in the first place.



I also managed to get my hands on a copy of the movie. I'm THISCLOSE to just ignoring Neuroscience to watch it, especially after I had a "sneak peek," just to test if it was working properly and all. Y'know. BUT, studying must be done. I'm focusing on the fact that it's dubbed in English (rather than being in Swedish and having English subtitles, as I would have definitely preferred!) to convince myself it's not really worth giving up my Neuroscience study just to watch it. Discipline don't fail me now.

Hey, wait, where are you going? Come back, discipline! I need you! Fine! Leave me then, you filthy sonofabitch!

Sorry, gummy bears-induced outburst of weirdness. One-sided conversation over!

- marty..

P.S. Let's go, Lakers!

END COMMUNICATION.

But you don't mean a thing to me.

"I think I can safely say that [Tiny Vessels] is the most vicious song I've ever written."

Ben Gibbard persisted in leaving this song in Transatlanticism, even after the rest of the band questioned whether he really wanted it on the album because of how it could make him sound like "the biggest asshole of all time."

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
and every bite I gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did, and so did I that day

All I see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "Is something wrong?"
I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me

Yeah, I think it's safe to assume this song would put him on the shortlist for Top 10 Biggest Asshole Songwriters of All Time.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.

POW! Right in the kisser.

I swear, the best part of the day has to be the moment just as you've woken up. You know, that split-second when everything is absolutely gravy...right before all your worries and troubles sneak up on you and smack you square in the face, like a Fight Night haymaker.

Right before you realise that...

• Wishful thinking's brought you nowhere. It's probably the same old story that you're used to. Don't bother, hope no longer lives here.
  
  
• You have a shitload of studying left to do, and not a lot of time left to do it in.
  
  
• That participant database isn't going to do itself.
  
  
• You're only halfway done with your testing, and you STILL haven't gotten off your ass to start contacting more participants. Euch.
  
  

On second thought, nevermind. Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in.

- marty..

END COMMUNICATION.