It's been over two years since I've felt compelled to write anything. I kept telling myself I'd get back to it, and given that the most significant parts of my life occurred during my hiatus, one would think I would've found plenty of inspiration to write again.
I find myself back here because of a mistake (surprise, surprise) and how the consequences of my actions are troubling me. In the grand scheme of things, it's probably something that would fade over time, but for now, it's causing me to doubt things about myself which I previously held to be ironclad.
Like the fact that I'm a nice guy. I know I can be a jerk, but most of the time that's in jest. But this is one of those times when I feel like I've embarassed people I care about and given them second thoughts about the kind of person I am. And that's not easy to face. I used to take pride in being a stand up guy, and now, I think I have a lot of growing up to do before I can believe that about myself again.
I'll give myself some time to get over it. Hopefully once everything settles down I get a chance to sincerely apologise to people and prove that (99% of the time) I'm a good guy. And I hope that my next few entries are written from a much sunnier perspective. Amen?
- marty..
P.S. Soundtrack for this entry:
Bon Iver - Woods
Death Cab - Some Boys
Kid Cudi - Mr. Rager
Lykke Li - Hanging High
Nirvana - About a Girl
Dios Malos - You Got Me All Wrong
Yellowcard - City of Devils
END COMMUNICATION.
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